


Thedas Has Fan Girls Too

by Oh_Shiny



Category: Dragon Age (Comics)
Genre: Crack, F/M, One Shot, Thedas has fangirls too, Though they are a little more aggressive than today's fangirls (we have class)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 04:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1730933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Shiny/pseuds/Oh_Shiny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inquisitor comes to Cullen's rescue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thedas Has Fan Girls Too

**Author's Note:**

> So there was a little bit of a discussion of fangirls lining up to divest Cullen if his armor (because it looks awfully heavy and he looks so frowny wearing it). We just want him to be comfortable. Anyway this little bit of sillyness happened.
> 
> Written for Char (and the rest of the lovely guys and gals at The Official Cullen Discussion Thread) and using her Inquisitoir Melaina.

Melaina looked down at the ground, frown creasing her brow and lips pursed. She took a few steps forward, popped her head around the corner of the corridor and her frown deepened. Really, this was just ridiculous, such a male thing to do. She stepped back, hands clenching as she bent down to retrieve the cape. She'd had higher hopes for Cullen, thought that with all his military training that he'd have as much discipline in this aspect of his life as the rest. But no, she held the proof in her hands (said proof was actually rather weighty, she put it down to the ridiculous amount of feathers. Why a grown man would need so many feathers on his cape was beyond her) and he was just like every other male. Treating the entire keep like the floor of his bedchamber. 

Melaina made her way down the empty, dim corridors, bent to retrieve a belt and spotted another item up ahead. She followed the trail of garments, her ire intensifying as she picked up a boot. She really was going to give her military advisor a piece of her mind - once she found him - she was not put in charge of the Inquisition so she could spend her hectic afternoon picking up after HIM. Melaina was bending down for another boot when a very feminine screech of delight sounded from up ahead. Her ears prickled at the noise and her body gave a shiver at the high pitched tone. What in the name of Andraste was going on?

She held Cullens garments bundeled in her arms and close to her chest, her steps quickening as she descended upon the war room and the chorus of sqeauls become louder. She booted the doors open and froze like a nug caught in torch light. What in the void was going on here? If it wasn't for his height, Melaina would hardly be able to make him a out. But there he was, her military advisors head sticking out above the throng of woman (and some men) that had surrounded him. 

"Back! All you of you get back! Maker, give me strength."

They pawed at him as he shouted, drawing their ring tighter around him as they stepped forward as a single unit. A quiet chuckle sounded from beside her and Melaina turned her head to look down suspiciously at the dwarf it had originated from.

"Do you have something to do with this, this... what ever you would call THIS?" Melaina asked as she freed a hand and shook it at the scene playing out in front of her.

"Well, no, not directly."

Some where from inside the group a pair of dark breeches hand been flung, landing in the lap of Sera whom was resting her rump on the map of Thedas. Thy elfs grin widened as she rubbed the material between her thumb and index finger and her legs swung joyously as she watched the mob. Melaina frowned, Sera better not have mixed up her map makers again. She turned her attention back to Varric.

"So, indirectly then?" She asked.

"I may have written a few... works of fiction that stared our fine ex-templar here."

Melaina raised an eyebrow and ignored Cullen's yelp for help as a particularly hands on participant grabbed a palm-full of his behind. "So these people are like, fans or something?"

Varric chuckeled. "Or something. Worshipers maybe. Cullenites, yeah, I like the sound of that."

Melaina sighed, damn dwarf. She dropped Cullen's belongings into an unceremonious heap on the ground, then strode over to Sera. Placing a hand on a narrow shoulder of the elf, she hauled herself up onto the table, mouth open and ready to shout. She paused, pulled in a breath and then let it out slowly. She had an unobstructed view of Cullen from up here and he was... a god! Melainas mouth gapped open slightly and she swallowed thickly. That was the most incredible specimen male flesh she had ever seen. She forgot very quickly that he stood there in nothing but his smalls, sword drawn and with the hilt grasped so tightly in his fist that his knuckles had turned white.

She had always thought that he was good looking, but seeing him near naked was something else entirly. The ridges of muscles that created dips along the smooth planes on his body bunched and flexed with the strain it took to hold his defensive position. His amber eyes blown wide and bright with adreniline, and his usually perfectly combed hair was ruffeled and stuck up in random tuffs. He was like a caged animal, ready to strike. A caged animal that she definetly wanted in her bed.

"Are you going to break that up?"

Malaina faintly heard the words being spoken over the rapidly increasing beat of her own heart. "Wha...?"

"That good huh?"

Melaina shook her head and looked at down at Sera. "What?"

"He must look pretty good naked if your standing here staring at him like you're a bit soft in the head," the elf replied.

"I, um, erm--" Melaina felt her cheeks heat and she ran a hand through her hair "--he's not naked, not entirely. Not yet." A small smile crept along her lips.

"So, are you going to help him out?" Sera asked, a small glimmer appearing in her eyes.

"Right, yes, of course. Help Cullen. Onto it."

Melaina raised her hands above her head and smacked her hands together, her clapping echoing throughout the high ceilined room as she shouted. "Oi! All right you lot! Time to break this up!"

A few heads at the back of the group turned around, and they in turn got the attention of the others in front. Very slowly, they all eventually had turned to face her.

"I don't know how in the bloody void you all actually made it in here--" she turned towards Varric, a sly smile spreading her lips wide "--in fact, Varric over there will be questioning all of you. Obviously we need to make improvements to the guarding of our perimeter. Now if you would please line up in a single file."

They all, in one collective movement, looked back over their shoulders at Cullen. He had lowered his sword slightly, but wearyness still etched deeply into his face.

Melaina cleared her throat. "Well, what are you all waiting for? Now!"

The group jumped a little, then a chorus of whines errupted from pouted lips as they shuffeled into a line and reluctantly dragged their feet towards Varric.

Melaina jumped down from the table, landed with a light thud and took Cullen's breeches from Sera just as the elf slipped a small dagger back into a sheath located at her hip. She made her way over to Cullen, his heavy breathing filling her ears as she got closer. He had lowered his sword, his grip finally loosening around the hilt and arms hanging tensely at his sides.

She held his breeches out to him, noticed a sizeable and very precise tear down the length of one of the legs.

"They're ripped, but they will do for now. If you come back to my chambers I can mend them for you."

He looked at her right in the eyes and she squirmed a little. He had this way of looking so intently at her, that it felt like he could see every single in-pure thought that was running through her head (and there were quite a few). Cullen took his breeches from her and gave a stiff nod before pulling them on, careful not to make the 'tear' any bigger.

"I will follow you out," Melaina gestured with her hand for him to lead the way and he did, taking a wide berth around the line of people currently waiting their turn to be questioned by Varric. She turned her head just as she was about to step through the threshold of the war room and caught Sera's gaze, and the smuggest look Melaina had ever seen came to brighten the rogues features.


End file.
